Mary, Mary Quite Contrary...

My dear Mary,

Your thoughts on marriage are not unwelcome, yet if I do say so marriage seems to have jeopardized your position more so than it has solidified it.  This unfortunate marriage to the young Dauphin has caused you much concern.  Do not fret.  I am sure that if your beloved Francis expires your bed shall not long remain cold.  I do not mean to call you shallow but that puddle Walter Raleigh covered with his cloak was deeper than you are, so you will likely continue to marry indiscriminately.  As I have told you in the past you would do better to guard your own house, especially when your neighbour’s house is on fire!  If you know what I mean!  

As to the matter of my own marriage, I cannot recall with certainty that it was I who vowed to remain chaste, nor did I state that I intend to never marry.  I think it was that damnable William Camden who put those words upon my lips!

Despite the fact that the single life would be a lot more fun, I am willing to consider a husband if the right man should come my way.  However, no suitor is without liability.  Either they are married, crazy or even worse… Catholic!  If Leicester were available I might consider him but I doubt that I could ever marry my own subject!  Who would rule whom?  I am really waiting for Mr. Right not just Mr. Right Now, so I must be circumspect and yet remain a virgin else how shall I ever marry well or command the respect of my people?

BTW, if I seem a little bitchy it is because I have the smallpox and am not feeling myself.  I hope I don’t end up a pockmarked wretch else no man will have me even if I find myself so inclined!

All best,

Elizabeth

P.S.  Cheer up!  If your beloved Francis does not recover I know a really nice guy named Henry.